I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
