Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
