Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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