You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
