Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
