I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize