I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Houston, we have a squirter
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
