Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He better not be in your backpack
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
