Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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