I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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