I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
