if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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