i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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