Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
