sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
