there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
