went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
