Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
