420 ftw
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
