So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
