I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
