that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
