Too much gin, very little bucket
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
