I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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