i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize