Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
