Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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