i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
