I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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