The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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