Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
