I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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