do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
