so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
