Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
