i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
