Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
