I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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