he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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