I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We left an ass print on the piano.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
