I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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