Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize