yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
