just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
