And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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