I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
