Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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