her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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