I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
