If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
