1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize