Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
