Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
