I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
