Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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