I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
