like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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