Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
