There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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