he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
