My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize