i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
