who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
