I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize