your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
