Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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