No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
