one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
