so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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