It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
