Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize