we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
