I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
