You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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