Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
