Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
