She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
