I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
