You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
false alarm, still single
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
