I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
