and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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