arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize