When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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