theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You dont lie about slip and slides
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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