i think my mom watched the whole time
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
