Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i barfeds in our rink
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
