Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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