I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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