Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
FUCK WHALES
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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