Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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