I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
