2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
