no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
