My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
