I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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