id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize