discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
