you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
