She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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