when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
