My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
