I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've blown a few things in my day
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
