apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
