dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
