Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize